Did you get divorced recently?

Did you get divorced recently?  Do you know how many other couples did the same?  Well in 2016, sorry I don’t have the numbers for 2017, I guess it takes a while to calculate the figures, but if you did divorce in 2016 you were one of the 106,959 couples who also divorced. Yes, even I was surprised by the number. (Office for National Statistics)

That is a lot of people getting a divorce.  All those loving feelings no longer around, all those wishes and hopes, dreams for the future all now part of just that, dreams, that were once going to be reality and see you through to the sunset of your life.  Sorry to make you feel worse, but with an increase of divorce up 5.8%, from 2015, there are some hard choices you now have to make.

If you are lucky some aspects of your life will stay the same, work, bricks and mortar that you call home, friends – maybe, extended family – hopeful.  Sorry I am not painting a helpful picture, but things do not have to be so bleak.  Take for instance your children, yes children who suddenly take on a new existence, new needs, new wants and most importantly new demands. Then you realise your role and job as a parent has changed, you are either no longer living with them each day, or caring for children alone.  Either way the role of a parent is different and dare I say it, scary.  Surely it cannot be that difficult, after all you know your children and they know you, so that is fine, nothing can go wrong, one less thing to worry about.

However, we all know that is not entirely true, caring for children is not the easiest job in the world and with changes come even bigger responsibilities, both on a practical level and an emotional level.  Dealing with divorce through the Courts is fraught with difficulties, not least the taking of sides, never easy and often it is the children who suffer and get lost in the myriad of he said/she said allegations.  The need for time out, to have space to think and work out how you really feel is not easy to find.  Years of experience has taught us having the space and opportunity to work out some of the issues about divorce and what happens to your children is crucial if children are not to struggle with this massive change in their life and, yours.  Acquiring new skills, you thought you may never really need, is an area that adults suddenly realise could be the difference between how often, or not, they see their children. The novelty can wear off very quickly when children are sleeping on a camp bed in the spare room, especially if this is a regular weekly occurrence. Then your ex-partner tells you the children need more than a take-away, don’t give them fizzy drinks all the time and what about getting yourself organised if you want to see the children more often or take them on holiday, the list can go on and on.

There are not many programmes, or support, out there that offer divorced parents the opportunity to address the practical issues as well as the emotional issues of divorce. Support is at hand. There is a unique programme which has been established to help you think about your new role of parenting at a distance, taking into account all those areas that people generally talk about as a battle that can never be won, or won at a cost to your sanity or long term bank balance!  Parenting Re-defined gives you the opportunity to consider the needs of your children, yourself, the introduction of new relationships and how to go forward in a positive way, so you can re-establish or maintain the relationship you had with them before The Divorce.

Your children need to have and should expect to have, both their parents still parenting them, as you did before the divorce, you also need to get on with your life and, juggling the two can be difficult but it can be done, just in a different way, which is what Parenting Re-defined is all about. 

We only run small groups for our Parenting Re-defined programme, twelve individuals as well as offering support to put into practice some of the issues we discuss.  For further information and cost, please email us at enquiries@familyfocuslincolnshire.org.uk

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